Thursday, January 14, 2010

Death By Drowning


Public toilets freak me out. I mean what could be any grosser and unsanitary than a public toilet. I guess if I had to say that I had any fear in the whole world it would be having to go to the bathroom at Wal Mart and not being able to hold it until I get home.

As a kid I remember going to camp. Ughhhhhh, and what do you think they had there for us to use ... outhouses!!! WTF, you wanted a terrified 12 year old to go into a wooden shack and go pee in a hole cut into a piece of wood! That smelled like it held dead bodies! Hell NO, I did the native thing and went to the woods!!!

Because of my fear I have learned that I can hang on for hours to go pee and wait until I get home ...

But sweet 8 pound baby Jesus, can anyone tell me why I can hold it up until the time, not even thinking about needing to go UNTIL I get to the front door of the house. It is then that I have bladder control failure and all of a sudden find myself doing the pee pee dance at the door! Then on top of it my hands are usually full of something so I struggle with putting the code in the door! I find myself running in the door, throwing whatever I have on the floor, making a bee line to the bathroom, pulling my pants down on the way and alas barely making it before I pee all over myself!

And it's getting worse as I get older ... please tell me depends is included in the new health plan!


2 comments:

Martini Cartwheels said...

Hate, hate, hate public toilets. I would rather pee in the woods too. I've become very good at the "hover" to avoid any skin to toilet contact!

Anonymous said...

HAHAHA! I know that feeling but that's usually after a few beers or margarita's out that I run to the door. So add two dogs that are very happy to see you and a stupid cat that walks SS's in front of you; there have been times when, well, you know.

BTW...the absolute worst bathroom experiences for me are in those blue port-a-potties. Shivers just went down my back.