Vigilant at Home

I've been avoiding the news. Watching it is depressing enough and I already know that it's colder than a well diggers ass in January outside. But there is no avoiding the tragedy in Haiti. It is a horrible act of mother nature. I won't even go all guns on Pat Robertson or Rush Limbaugh. Seriously they have made millions saying outrageous shit and they are both not even worth the print on this page.

What I can't wrap my head around is where the hell were these U S companies who have pledged millions to Haiti when hurricane Katrina hit? How many of the people who have donated 5 million in record time, by 10 dollar gifts through texting, also gave so freely during Katrina? Where were the cell phone companies when people needed free phone calls in and out of New Orleans? How many countries rushed to our aid? We rush to rescue the world, but what about here at home?

Please don't get me wrong, it's good that people are helping, and I'm proud that we live in a country that is lending a hand. My heart goes out to the people of Haiti.

I'm not saying we shouldn't help when disaster strikes abroad, I'm just saying we should be as vigilant and compassionate here at home.

Open Letter To Humans ...

I don't believe in a "God" that all of these religious freaks like to say exists. I consider myself more of an Agnostic. I know that there is SOMETHING out there. Be it God, Goddess, Supreme Being, etc ... you get my drift. But whatever it is, I am sure that they are tired of a lot shit that's going on down here. Most likely damn right embarrassed that they even know us. Maybe a note isn't enough, perhaps he should send a text message.

Come to think about it. I'm texting everyone in my cell now. Let me know if it makes it to you!

Death By Drowning

Public toilets freak me out. I mean what could be any grosser and unsanitary than a public toilet. I guess if I had to say that I had any fear in the whole world it would be having to go to the bathroom at Wal Mart and not being able to hold it until I get home.

As a kid I remember going to camp. Ughhhhhh, and what do you think they had there for us to use ... outhouses!!! WTF, you wanted a terrified 12 year old to go into a wooden shack and go pee in a hole cut into a piece of wood! That smelled like it held dead bodies! Hell NO, I did the native thing and went to the woods!!!

Because of my fear I have learned that I can hang on for hours to go pee and wait until I get home ...

But sweet 8 pound baby Jesus, can anyone tell me why I can hold it up until the time, not even thinking about needing to go UNTIL I get to the front door of the house. It is then that I have bladder control failure and all of a sudden find myself doing the pee pee dance at the door! Then on top of it my hands are usually full of something so I struggle with putting the code in the door! I find myself running in the door, throwing whatever I have on the floor, making a bee line to the bathroom, pulling my pants down on the way and alas barely making it before I pee all over myself!

And it's getting worse as I get older ... please tell me depends is included in the new health plan!

Asking For Help

Yesterday I was confronted with a situation that still this evening has me so angry that I cannot get pass it.

I know that we live in a cruel world. I see it every day on the news. Our own country is in a war where young men and women die everyday. The local news tells us of death in our own cities and towns that are caused by people who supposly love one another. By young men and women who haven't even reached an age where they have lived out a quarter of their lives. George Tiller was murdered by a man who is know claiming that he was defending unborn babies. A whole family of men here in Kansas City are being charged with molesting their own daughters and neices. Just last summer two young men broke into one of my neighbors homes and he shot at them with a gun. Evil and cruelty are all around us everyday.

But yesterday I saw cruelty in it's worse form. I met a young man with Down Sydrome who had been burned by his own mother with a clothes iron. Not just once. Twice. Twice a man's own mother picked up an iron and pressed it to this young mans body. This wouldn't of even been discovered if it were for the keen eye of a school teacher.

How can anyone do that to another human being. Let alone a mother to her child. How many people are in the silent majorty, like this young man, unable to communicate to the world what is happening to him. Or, how many people just think that is the way life is and that's the best it gets. How many silent abuse victims are there in this world.

Sometimes when I hear about cruelty and evil in the world I think I have just heard and see it everyday that I have become immune. But the type of cruelty that happened to this young man I cannot even begin to wrap my mind or heart around. I can't get past the hate and discontent for the person that did it to him.

I can't get past the knowing that there are hundreds more like him in this world that cannot cry out for help due to a physical disability or fear of what will happen if they do.

Asking for help is a terrifying thing to do sometimes. But not being able to is more frightening to me.

Death Knocks Ever So Often ...

The title of the post may make one think, "Damn Monkey is going to be morbid today!". But quite the opposite really.

I remember the first time I really thought about my own death. My parents and some other people were playing cards at a table. I was at that awkward age, you know the one, where you're old enough to start needing therapy for reality and the one where you still live in a fantasy world where Susan Sarandon is your girlfriend and nothing can prevent you from being happy with her! Anyway, someone at the table was talking about the end of the world from a biblical standpoint and I thought to my Monkey self, "damn I'm going to die when I'm 30." Yes this was my first childhood emotional trauma, obsessing about death.

My 30th birthday came and went and I was still here on earth. It wasn't until a year later that I thought about death again. My partner and I at the time had been together for nine years. I loved her with all of my being. For nine years I had planned the rest of my life with her, doing things with her, my work revolved around her,cmy dreams around her, okay you get the point. Then we both decided after a year of emotionally abusing one another that it just wasn't worth it. I was the one that finally took that step to end it. Hell, I even moved to another city to keep myself from going back to her. But still, when I walked out that door, away from her arms, death came to my mind again. I thought damn, here I am 30, my dreams, job and relationship are gone and I have nothing, nothing to live for.

So I just existed. Started a new life, in a new city. I drank way to much, smoked way to much weed, and hung out with some pretty questionable people. I was at a point in my life where I didn't really give a shit what happened to me. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't suicidal, I just had no purpose in life. Even though I was surrounded by many people, for the first time in my life I knew the feeling of being lonely. I became closed emotionally to people and once again my fathers words echoed in my ear, "It's not your enemies that know how to hurt you, it's those that you let close to you." So, I built walls and didn't let anyone close. I started to have an emotional death.

Then one day I heard the Annie Lennox song, Cold, there is a line she sings in it, " Dying is easy, it's living that scares me to death ..." The whole song is pretty extraordinary. It opened my eyes and heart back up and then out of the blue I realised that it is much braver to open back up and let people in than it was to stayed closed up. I started to do the one thing that scared me more than death. I started to live again, with all it's risk and pain, it's much more scary than death to me.

Life and letting people into yours'

Yes, it is worth having.

Yes, it is worth keeping.

Yes, it is worth living for.

There's a Light ...Carol Ann ... Now Go To It Already

I have decided to give the Infamous Snow Bitch - ah I mean Snow Fairy a name. I shall call her Carol Ann. Now Carol Ann needs to get a damn clue and head toward the light. The light far far away from here!

I am working from home today. In the presence of our two year old grandson who keeps dragging me to the window and taking my head in his hands to make me look at the snow. The same one who keeps thinking that my computer is for viewing Big Bear in the Blue House vs being used for work!

The picture below is Mrs. Monkey's car. An SUV came down the hill and slid into the yard missing her car by inches.

Carol Ann - LISTEN UP! Go TOWARD the light ... and stay the hell there!

Redneck Healthcare

Every since my early twenties I have been blessed with unsightly skin tags on my neck. My dad has them, my grandpa had them and for some reason thought that they would pass the physical imperfection on to me.

I asked the doctor to look at them and see if she could remove them. She said, "No, but I will refer you to a dermatologist that will. After I check them to make sure they are benign." I said okay let's do it! She checks them and they are benign so the next step would be to, "pay a doctor to remove them."

*Record Scratch*

WHAT!!! My insurance won't pay for it?! No, she says because it isn't a health problem!!! It's all about vanity. WTF it isn't vanity! I look in the mirror and they are ugly as hell! That messes with my mental health doesn't it! That's way within the realm of Blue Cross Blue Shield management I think!

Anyway, I look on line for ways to remove unsightly skin tags at home. I see everything from put wart removal on them to some strange mixture of baking soda and rat poison and then watch them fall off in three days!

Then after several hours of research I saw that people were actually cutting them off at home on their own. Now, I do not have the gonads to do that but Mrs. Monkey, who is an RN BTW, decides that it would be a GREAT idea and an exciting educational experiment. Her eyes light up brighter than a deer in your headlights as it bears witness to it's own death.

Below are the video exploits of Mrs. Monkey performing surgery on my neck. Warning it's not for the weak at heart, but worth exploring if you dare!!!

Redneck Healthcare saved me a total sum of $1500! The removal was painless with no side effects!